Trying to shrug it off...

From Dictionary.com:

id·i·ot /ˈɪdiət/[id-ee-uht] –noun
1. an utterly foolish or senseless person.


About a month and a half ago, I had a falling out with one of my closest friends in the world. Well, not so much a falling out as I got impatient, spoke too quickly, and it was exactly what she needed to throw our friendship into the rubbish bin.

And much like any failed relationship, I'm still going through various stages of... separation, I guess. I'm finding a lack of closure difficult. I dislike the fact that our friendship ended in such a stupid way. That she never had the balls to say, "What's going on?" or to even respond to emails or the final phone call of, "Maybe it's best we don't hang out for a while."

That she doesn't even know I'm angry, or why. Knowing her as well as I do, I imagine she's created this whole thing where I've been a lousy friend, negative, unsupportive, possibly even jealous. (I've forced myself to consider all of these very carefully. Of all of them, "negative" is the only one that is even in the realm of accurate. And I do try to not bring other people into it. I'm usually optimistic for everyone except myself.)

Maybe it's easier for her to think of me this way, but I will admit that it infuriates me. I do have a sharp tongue -- but anyone who knows me realizes that it's never intentionally mean. My ribbing, or pushing buttons, is my own twisted, repressed way of expressing affection. And that when push comes to shove, I will do almost anything for my friends. That I always have their best interests at heart.

But I dislike as being pegged as someone I'm not. Or something I am maybe 0.02% of the time.

The truth is, even after all this time, I'm furious. Still. Most of the time, I simply let it go, but other times I think on the situation and I'm just bloody frustrated and annoyed. So I rant here.

I've gone through every detail in my head. I know where I am to blame, where I am not. But I dislike being tried by a smug jury who has sinned against me far more often... and decries me for crimes they not only committed, but those that are far worse.

I can't go up to her and argue. I'm afraid I'll completely lose my temper, and throttle her.

Funnily enough, I had a talk with my father about it a few weeks ago. I filled him in on the situation, the background, and my own part in the unforeseen Event That Divides (you can call me a lot of things, but you must admit that I never -- or rarely -- downplay my own failings).

And bless the man, but my dear old dad came up with the best advice I've heard:

"She's an idiot.

"Idiots aren't bad people -- you can work with them, talk to them, even be friends with them. But the simple truth is this: You can't argue with an idiot. You're just wasting your time."

You weren't expecting warm and fuzzy father-daughter advice, were you? Because unorthodox as it is, I believe my dear old dad is right.

You can't argue with an idiot. And I'll think twice next time I consider befriending one.