So naive...

Ok, so I'm a chump.

For someone who really is cynical, distrustful and "negative", I have a tendency to believe that most people are good.

Now don't get me wrong. "People" as a collective universally suck. A violent virus on the surface of the earth. We're planetary acne -- explosions, infection and all. But people individually, face-to-face... well, they tend to be OK most of the time. As long as I can see their eyes.

I'm also the first person to hold doors open for people, to bend down when something has been dropped, to smile and chat with fundraisers (on the street or door-to-door)... and if I have change, then yes, I do give it to homeless people or panhandlers.

I was a nightmare in Cambodia. I would have cheerfully given away every US dollar in my wallet (except I ran out pretty quickly) to the kids lurking outside of the temples or in alleyways. At one point, my travel companions had to order me to sit down and not talk to people. (I can't help it, I find people fascinating. And frankly, Cambodia hardly has the social and economic infrastructure to assist all of these poor families -- it's not a wealthy country, and I found it frustrating as hell that so many western tourists could simply walk by without a backward glance. So you're out a couple of bucks. Big deal. You're going to go home and make hundreds more than that after a couple of days or a week at work. Pony up, cheapskates.)

Anyway, a "neighbour" came to the door in a bind late this evening. I don't recognize him, but apparently Chris helped him out once (or so they claim), and he had some problems with a van, needed to flush the line with fuel and needed gas but something happened, he has no money, etc, etc, will return money first thing in the morning, terribly embarrassed, etc etc.

I gave him $35.
And not just the $10 from my wallet. Oh no. I went to a bank machine and pulled out an additional $25.

In retrospect, I'm smacking myself on the forehead. Energetically.

I suspect the problem is not my lack of a suspicious nature (I'm paranoid as hell) -- I suspect it's more due to feeling it wouldn't be polite to refuse. "How rude and unkind to not help someone when you're clearly in a position to do so. You should be ashamed of yourself. What if they're telling the truth?" And voila, the choice is made for me.

I'll be a nightmare if I ever have a surplus of money. Unless, of course, I turn into everyone else, and simply cease to give a shit.

It could happen.