The lures of... spam?
I have discovered yet another Great Mystery Of The Male Psyche. Thanks to spam.
Everyone gets these stupid junk mails. "Horny Housewives look for big dick," "Naked photos of Brittany, Jenna, Joe and a hairy guy" "How to increase the size of your cock", etc etc.
(I'm not even going to think how many hits I'm going to get simply by using those terms.)
Anyway, yesterday I received a new one: "Rock hard manhood, multiple explosions and several times more semen volume."
OK, the first two make sense... but the last?
I really had no clue that "semen volume" was an issue for guys. I can see where a particularly tiny fella might be shamefaced about the size of his willy, but squirt quantity?
I can only fathom a guess that this is some indicator of a man's virility. "I shoot massive loads, therefore I am potent" versus "Well, a tiny square of toilet paper should clean this up nicely."
He is man. He fills milk jugs.
That sorta thing.
Call me ignorant, but I always thought quality was more important than quantity. A couple thou healthy sperm is likely better than a couple million two-headed, short-tailed, swimming-backwards sperm.
There's more important things to worry about.
Keep your little armies of sperm disease-free, wrapped up and... er, well... I don't want to be crass (although it's a bit late now), so I will merely say eat properly.
posted by /hg | 12:10 p.m.
2 Comments:
Porn features this element called the money shot. Wherein the man, when he senses that he is near completion, pulls out of whichever orifice he's in, and ejaculates into the air. Just like Onan did. The older pornography can have the man shooting onto breasts or near the orifice he pulled out of. Now though porn concentrates on the face, thus money shot has fallen out of favour and most people simply call it a facial. However, bearing in mind that the point of the facial is to humiliate the woman, the more semen there is, the more succesful the shot. And all men want to grow up to be just like their porn star idols.
And as do women!
Soon I will have bleached my hair, waxed all body hair, and given myself some very unnatural ZZ-cup breats that pucker around the edges.
Then all I will have to do climax and the mere site of... well, anything. A bird in the tree -- "uhhhh, ohhh OH!"
The wind in the grass -- "Oh, baby, don't stop. Oh yes, YES YEEEEEEES!"
Ah, porn. It makes better persons of us all...
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home