Little Miss Yellowbelly

A while back, I put up this very earnest post about trying to teach myself to be a little more confrontational when someone says something that upsets me.

Now, I'm not talking about arguments -- i.e. political matters, social behaviour, or passing gas with nary an "excuse me!" -- but rather when someone makes an offhand personal comment that actually upsets me.

And I can't seem to do it. I can't look at someone point blank in the eye and say, "You know, that was a fucking dickheaded thing to say."

A number of situations have cropped up in the past few weeks with various people, but the most recent is when I found myself getting angry at Chris earlier this evening (once again, about housework -- which is rare enough as I feel somewhat guilty about not having an office job). He responded with sort of a condescending remark about depression (something along the lines of "What could you possibly know about it?").

While I could feel my eyebrows shooting up my forehead (usually a very good clue to how I'm naturally responding to something), I chickened out, and responded in a nice and rather placating manner. You know, soothing ruffled feathers and all that nonsense.

What I really wanted to do was throw something.

I can think the angry thoughts. I can even writethem down ( provided no one sees them but myself). But somewhere deep in my Inner Workings & Communications department is a censorship board -- preventing me from telling people exactly where to get off.

I fear I will never be able to turn to someone and say, "Fuck you for making me feel like shit. Get bent."

One day, I will fire that censorship board. Then the world will start getting very interesting.