Crap

Feeling lost tonight. Too much to do.
Too much I've fallen behind on.

Too much unfinished business, too many conversations unsaid. And there's far too much heartbreak going amongst friends and family in my tiny corner of the world.

February and March never fail -- in my limited experience, anyway -- to bring misery, sadness, broken souls and death.

And somehow, last night's horrible glimpse into the future of it-could-have-been-me seems to still lurk in my brain. I almost had an urge to ask an old friend for my ex's email -- simply to thank him for his part in my emancipation. Hours later, I decided that some things are best left alone, and that people don't always want to be bothered with the shadows of faces past. Especially if they've moved on.

That's the bugger with ignoring the past, and trying to move on without a backward glance -- it somehow has a most foul and irritating way of coming back and clouting you on the side of the head but good.

I'll deal with most of it eventually, but for now, I'm better off facing forward.

There's plenty of time for retrospect later.