An open letters to agents and publishers...

Dear agents/publishers,

It's me again. I truly am a desperately annoying human being who should be hung and quarted immediately. Let me refer you my enclosed address. Sundays are best for me. (I may feel a need to roar, "Freeedooooooom!" near the end. Simply ignore it.)

As you no doubt know, I am trying to publish my work.

Please do me a favour -- a teeny, tiny one at that -- just freaking read it before you throw it to the side.

The books are not that fucking bad. Some people even like my writing. (They could be lying, but let's just assume otherwise for now, 'kay?)

I know I'm no trend-oriented writer, or that my work is lacking some kind of mushy, important value, other than those a kid might identify with or find funny.

I also apologize for not being a celebrity, politician, or severly disabled/diseased human being writing on my experiences. I understand that these have far more artistic merit than just another writing hack looking to write some kids books and have fun.

I certainly don't need to pay bills or any such thing... so do take all the time you need.

Cheers and my very special thanks for ignoring me,

/HG



OK. Maybe that was a tiiiiiny bit bitter. But I'm feeling a little bitter right now. It happens to the best of us. But more often, it happens to me.