Sick of being me.

Will likely regret posting this today, but don't expect many read it. Fortunately.

Lost it today. I mean, really lost it.
Am still losing it.

How is it that something so stupid as money can completely ruin your life? Got completely fucked by Royal Bank and their bloody collection agency. And the car. And rent. And bills, bills, bills. All the regular things poeple do, but still manage to have enough money left over for life, and are happy doing it.

"It's procedure," Royal said, oblivious to the human being on the other side of the line, who was desperately trying not to bawl outright. They've put me in a situation where they're trying to extract money I don't have... and keep charging money on top of it.

Student loans have ruined my life. It's not hyperbole. I wish I had never gone to fucking university. Or college for that matter. Or that I was stupid enough to try and make a living off something so fucking not lucrative. Jesus, I don't even know if I can make a living do this. I'm sure as hell doing a piss-poor job of it right now. Even the bloody Toronto Arts Council think I'm a useless piece of shit.

I think stupid people are lucky. They always seem to be far happier and more content with little things... or nothing at all.

I don't what else to do. Am considering running -- taking a few things, and leaving the country. Start over. New name. I don't want Hannah around anymore. I kind of hate her right now.