So say the stars...
My horoscope today:
"You need to stick it out through the current situation, no matter how much you want to cut and run. Your perseverance will pay off in the long run in a big, almost unimaginable, way."
I just wish the bloody things were actually accurate and not just random musing of some chump sitting at a computer.
posted by /hg | 1:00 p.m.
6 Comments:
Well, in truth Hannah, I think there's a time in all of our lives when we have to sit and decide just how pig-headed we'll choose to be.
Churchill's advice to "Never, never, never (...x24) give up" was, in retrospect, sound advice (for him). Whether it translates into excellent advice for the everyday human being I'm not so sure.
FWIW, I think you should change direction. Chasing dreams is fun but it's not a lifestyle likely to lead to happiness in your 50's and 60's.
There's a world of possibilities out there which you're denying yourself by hammering your head against this particular brick wall. Go explore them. You're meant to be something more than a one-trick pony.
I only tell you this because I'm far smarter than wot you are.
kisses,
r.xx.
Yes, it is pig-headed to try and pursue a dream, isn't it?
But the "world of possibilities" of which you speak primarily is composed mainly of me trudging into the corporate world at an entry level, or shilling unimportant and useless product for some faceless CEO.
Maybe it was close-minded of me to temp at a company and turn down the offer to work full-time as a receptionist. That was one possibility.
I had given myself until the end of this year to get things going. That was my deadline. My financial circumstances changed, and I'm being forced to walk away much earlier than I wanted to... because I've no other choice.
It's breaking my heart and I've been crying almost non-stop for a week. And still hoping that maybe there will be some saving grace.
But for now, I can console myself with the fact that I will likely have to get a job at Starbucks until something more permanent comes along.
I'm sure that experience will be filled with possibility too.
Ignore the surliness -- I'm just incredibly miserable and sad right now.
I'm not capable of bright-eyed optimism when I feel like my soul is slowly dying.
You invest far too much of yourself in the 'writer' label. I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that many 'writers' lay unrecognized until well after their demise, and they had shitty real-life jobs too.
So if writing really is that important to you, then continue. But accept it's unlikely to pay the bills. If you want a life while you're alive and all you're capable of is a career in Starbucks, then so be it.
Trouble is, it doesn't sound as good, does it? I wonder how much of you self-image is tied up in the mystique and glamor of being considered (even if it's just you doing the considering...) an 'undiscovered literary talent'? Frankly, you need to perform a little exercise in self-assessment. Reality can be painful but it's always beneficial in the long term.
We all have dreams. Most of us lose them, or have to let them go, somewhere along the way. Does that mean we've failed? Yes, probably it does. But we should be adaptable and courageous and get up and try something else, and be glad of the opportunity to try again.
So go work in Starbucks. And don't pass on chances to become a receptionist next time. No-one can stop you writing, but you will have to put up with your 'friends' looking down their noses at you. And yes, I know some of your 'friends' and that's EXACTLY what these shits will do.
You inhabit a world of two-faced hypocrites, aka Canadians. And that, my little chum, is entirely your choice...
I think that's grossly inaccurate. Maybe you know "writers" who run around toting their self-importance, but aside from my blog -- where I shamelessly (and admittedly) indulge in my own neuroses and wallow in self-pity to a whopping audience of what? Four people? -- I don't really like telling people what I do.
I don't consider myself a real writer. And I'm embarrassed by my failures as one.
Of course I won't stop writing -- but a full-time job will put a serious damper on my creativity. That's how it works with me. I have had full-time jobs -- and yes, career-minded ones.
Working in Starbucks is the fastest job I can get that will pay my bills the soonest -- of course, I'm sure you recall that most professional jobs can take weeks and even months before actually hiring a person. And then you have to usually wait another few weeks or a month before getting paid. When my bank account is empty, I am shit out of luck. My credit cards are full. I have no savings/investments/property/etc. I do not have a wealthy family to back me up, nor friends with disposable incomes.
And don't lecture me about self-assessment -- I know full well you think I'm mediocre talent based on one shitty kids book I wrote years ago. I won't try to change your mind.
And no -- you don't know my friends. In fact, you know ONE. And she is welcome to look down her nose at me. It's her right. I don't much care if people pull attitude about my income/lifestyle.
I'm curious why you hate Canadians so much. Hypocrites? Isn't that a bit of a gross generalization?
Ease up on the attitude, Ro -- you're welcome to get snippy and righteous when I'm on my feet and normal. But when someone has been crying for a week and feels lower than they ever have in their lives... it's shitty, shitty thing to do.
Shitty or not, it's what I do. And don't assume I was talking about Tali, because I wasn't. If I was, I'd have used her name. FWIW she's probably one of the few Canadians I'd trust NOT to judge people by their job title.
The point I'm trying to make is that the shit-faced crowd you hang with are both sycophantic and tedious. I KNOW this because I've had conversations with quite a few of them over the years through my blog. Some still read, God knows why. I strongly believe that these people are unlikely to continue to offer you close friendship based on your employment as a Starbucks waitress - they'd prefer to hang with an aspiring writer. People are twats.
And I'd prefer that you don't tell me what I think. My opinions are my own and IF I choose to let you know them, you'll hear from me. Until then, feel free to indulge yourself in a guessing game, but don't pretend they're real 'cos they aren't.
Why do I hate Canadians? Oh, I dunno. I'm sure some are decent people. But the ones that have brushed against my life to date have - with a few notable exceptions - lacked imagination, humility, compassion, openness, and integrity. Will that do?
Being COMPLETELY honest, whether you succeed or fail in this life is a matter of complete indifference to me. You're unlikely to make an impact on my world in any meaningful way. But you write nicely, have extended the hand of on-line friendship towards me, and I like the person you appear to be. For those reasons I take the time to write to you, to take a genuine interest in your life and world, and to offer you the best advice I can. You are, however, free to accept or ignore my words as you see fit.
Yes, use a blog to moan. But don't be surprised if the people who care about you tell you you're being a moany, self-pitying asshole. 'Cos you are.
It's simple. Go get a real job, try to take up a professional career, use your free time and energy to write. Is it REALLY that difficult?
Now, dear God, quit crying/whining/moping and go out and do it.
Written with love 'n' stuff,
r.xx.
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