The Bottom

So this is it.
Today I started looking for a full-time job.

I feel like such a failure. I keep trying not to burst into tears, but I will be honest enough to confess that I can barely see the keyboard right now. It is suspiciously blurry. I can't imagine why...

This is shaping up to be a rather terrible day.

My freelancing seems to have run out. I did my last assignment a few days ago, and asked my editor about further work. All I've received is silence. And I know this industry well enough to know that silence is not usually a positive thing. Sort of a how-do-I-crush-this-person-in-such-a-way-that-I-can-sleep-at-night thing.

I've spent the last couple of weeks querying my pants off -- contacting agents in the UK and trying to finds someone willing to take a chance. The funny (and incredibly frustrating part) is that so far, people really do seem to like my writing quite a bit. Problems occur from publishers who just can't seem to find a place for my work, and through agents who are either too busy with other clients or think I need to write a series.

But I think any new little series is going to have to wait. As of this moment, I have no income, no savings, and mammoth amounts of debts. Not to mention irksome living expenses.

So full-time employment it is.

Experiment failed. The End.

Not sure why I thought it would end differently. I guess in the end, the only person you really end up fooling --- and disappointing -- is yourself. And it's kind of heartbreaking.