Just a weird week...

After running around last week like a chicken with its head cut off, this week's pace has slowed considerably... only to thrust some weirdness into my week.

The first was an adieu to someone I had known only a short time -- and the circumstances were less than ideal, what with said person deciding to shit all over me in a half-assed, overtly generalized email. End result? They lost my respect, my high-esteem and left a giant toxic smear... I haven't decoded why. While I'll admit some responsibility (I do love me a good torpedo to sink any floundering friendship -- so healthy), the entire proceding left a sour taste in my mouth. Perhaps because I feel that when issues arise, they should be discussed before the judge fires off the verdict and sentencing in one go.

But whatever. Pick up. Move on.

Tomorrow I must attend a viewing -- a funereal pre-cursor. Funeral on Thursday. Then I have Friday off, and attend a wedding on Saturday.

It's going to keep me on my toes. I dislike funerals (as most do), but am reasonably sure that there is not even going to be a wake -- the one function of funerals that I decree as helpful. Celebrate the memory, toast the deceased and drink away the sorrows.

Funnily enough, though, that never works with me. Alcohol strips down most of my walls, and I'm usually left strangely vulnerable with things I might normally repress or ignore. (Were I a more demonstrative type, I would gush all over my friends with proclamations of love and adoration. Instead I giggle, and say horrible but funny things.) Drinking is the quickest way for me to access grief and loss. Because suddenly they're there, and all my coping mechanisms are dancing outside, far beyond my reach. As are any internal censors.

Funerals are hard for me -- regardless of how well I know the deceased. Invariably you see those you love in pain... even those total strangers. It leaves a horrible aching imprint, all of that grief does. And I have one day in which to drop that pained vibe of hurt and don my party happy cap.

I shall get whiplash if I'm not careful.

And I feel very odd about my new dress.

It's a black, classic styled dress with a long, asymetric hemline. There will be heels and many accessories. But somehow I can't fight the fear that the dress looks awful on me. Even in heels, which I almost never don.

If I could get away with my favourite jeans, I'd be a happy gal.

Either way, the next few days will be more than a little awkward. I'm looking forward to Sunday.