Me vs Squirrels... Round #429

About 15 minutes ago, I went to bring a dirty glass down to the kitchen (I generally work in the attic). Sitting on the kitchen counter beside the bread was a squirrel.

But this was no ordinary squirrel, oh no. This was the fucking Harry Houdini of squirrels. With a magic swish of its tail, it can materialize in any kitchen. Earlier, we had repaired some of our screens, and for the ones we couldn't be bothered and/or afford to fix, we had closed the windows so that only a crack was open.

Obviously, that crack was all Harry Rodentini needed.

I started roaring at it (in a manner I didn't think I was capable of -- even I was intimidated), shouting all kinds of obscenities as I advanced. Well, that fucking thing moved... but it couldn't find its way out.

It went leaping from window to window, scrabbling at every surface, desperate to get away from this advancing giant with the loud voice and aura of heated fury. Eventually it hid under a table, until I opened the back door screen and bellowed, "Get ouuuuuuuuuuut!"

The Amityville house would have wiped away a proud tear.